I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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