He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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