when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize