Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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