I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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