he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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