So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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