I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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