If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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