At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize