i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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