Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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