we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize