Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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