I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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