Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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