I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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