Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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