I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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