but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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