So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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