Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize