After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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