I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize