I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize