I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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