I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have fence marks all over my body
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize