the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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