3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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