I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize