NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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