I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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