I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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