He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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