just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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