Umm I'm too high to move.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just invented taco cereal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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