How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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