last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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