So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize