I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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