I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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