so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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