There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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