____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize