wanna go halves on a baby?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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