So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
