you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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