I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize