She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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