theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So squirting runs in the family.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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